The Moment

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When I’m outside

When I see the sky

When I feel the air

When I see the bright stars

When I sync the music to my mind

I felt solitude, I felt peace

Enough peace to die

That moment, I wanted to born again from my mother’s womb,

I wanted to fall in love again

I wanted to forgive myself

I wanted to forget everything in my life

That moment I was high

The moment was high

I wanted to run from all the expectations and pressures

I feel myself when I’m outside

I can be myself
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The Moment

From one of those days

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That day when i came back home from school i was tired of daily 6 hour school and 4 hour tuition those 10 hours I was like a walking dead and i wished that i was never born it was very foolish of me to think like that. I climb up the stairs my legs were paining and i wished my building had an elevator. And then i saw my mother waiting for me at the upstairs her face was sad looking at me tired her face turned blue.  The moment when i saw her all my tiredness was gone. She treated me like I have done a very tiring job, school is tough though, I said ‘it’s okay mom I’m fine I’m not that tired’ I was I really was… mentally and physically.

Going outside was always a difficult task for me and maybe this is the reason why I always make up excuses to not to go school. My teachers always used to ask my mother about me ‘why your daughter is absent today?’ ‘Is she sick?’ my mother used to get angry all the time she hears about me obviously she will get mad who doesn’t…. but maybe deep down my mom knew the reason behind my excuses of not going to school. For her my 2 pages assignment is a great achievement, 2 hours tuition was a big deal for her and she used to send food and drinks in the middle of the class for me I used to feel embarrassing because my classmates used to laugh at me because a fat girl receiving food from her mother… is a laughable thing I guess. And this is the reason why…

She is my goal. My goal is to make her happy. Sometimes i fail but one day I’ll give you everything you gave me. ❤

From one of those days

I never once loved myself.

©we heart it

Kinder garden, high school, graduation•••

All these stages of learning but no one ever teached us to love ourselves

When we felt sad or angry they told us to keep it inside

We never let our feelings go, childhood past miseries are still alive somewhere

When i was a little girl they told me that no one is perfect, now when i grew up they’re telling me to be a perfect girl.

But perfectionism is interior🍀

(Artwork by me)

love a person,admiring everything of that person, and loving every part of his/her body… you can do that when you’re in love, but what about yourself? why is it so hard to love ourselves?…

suffering from crippling depression makes it more hard, I’ve been in this hell but time heals everything.

everyone should know that inside a sea shell there’s pearl inside that shines brighter than those people thoughts who pushed you down.

In the story, ugly duckling turned into a beautiful swan••• so we are

there’s no such thing like ‘ugly’ all you have to do this change your perspective

And about loving yourself, this is something you have to learn by yourself, don’t worry about the world out there••

People Throw rocks at things that shines and spark.

…………………………………………………

I never once loved myself.

Lies of insecurities

You believe in lies more than truths
you believe in it because you wanted to believe

sometimes a lie saves your life but it eats you

drowning under the bitter truth, you lie

Take a shovel and dig those insecurities.. can you? 

She dyed her hair red or she covers her insecurity with red

she’s burning that rotundity or she’s burning those hurtful comments.

Dig deep and you’ll find things easy

dig deeper and things will become hard

– Ailnik

photo© we heart it and Tumblr .

Lies of insecurities