That day


Wet flowers on the wet road were telling me that today’s clouds are dark so you don’t have to. Today’s clouds are dark and sad so you don’t have to be sad today, see the sky how they’re dark and yet so beautiful. Leave the job of being sad to the cloud because sometimes you gotta leave the negativity and hold the hands of positivity. Don’t be so certain about yourself, you can’t be you every time and don’t try…don’t find yourself I say when you lost yourself completely don’t look for the same previous one, create a new self, discover yourself. If you’re unhappy, if you’re not feeling yourself today let it be don’t ‘try so hard’ to be normal.

       Saw a girl crying today she was that type of girl who used to sing and smile, make everyone laugh but today she was crying and I felt like hugging her and tell her ‘ it’s alright’ people who cries and don’t tell you the reason, it really kills me. When I was a kid I wanted someone to look at me while I crying and soothe me and say ‘it’s alright’. Children only cry when there is someone on their side, when there’s someone to ask you if you’re okay and tell you its okay, when there’s someone to tell you not to cry… that feeling makes you feel good. Maybe many of you think that whatever I wrote here doesn’t make any sense… I think that too but when you think deeply everything starts to make sense and yes thinking things deeply is a mess.

   Everything affects everything, bad or good doesn’t matter. That indie song you like the most is your daily dose of happy pill and that really makes you happy, if not fully happy but that gives you enough peace to relax your head… it doesn’t matter from where you got your peace, keep it… it’s hard to find these days. And a little word you said can hurt badly too which they said it was only a joke for them but like I said everything affects everything the boy who was going give up his life is now alive because someone talked with him, the girl you called a slut as a joke is going to give up her life and again everything can change everything.


Fear to takeoff


We are all burning inside, but the difference is some people chooses to act like they are in the middle of an ocean… they seem okay but they are not. Break that big concrete wall made up by your over thinking and regrets. No one expects heaven in the world of hell; instead of searching heaven find the muchness you’ve lost.

In relation to the Alice/Mad Hatter interaction, the word muchness refers to something within Alice — her heart, her spirit — that she had somehow lost since the first time she had visited Wonderland (taken from positivelypresent)

I remember when I watched the movie Alice in the wonderland; I was a small kid and didn’t much understand some of the words they said in the movie. The word ‘muchness ’I’ve lost that since I was a little girl and I still haven’t found that yet. In our hearts we still have that muchness in us but sometimes it hides itself, when you really think about it, in many ways we have all lost a part of our muchness. Instead of growing happier and excited we are losing ourselves in the pursuit of success, happiness we’ve lost our muchness, our spirit. Like Alice got her muchness back we can too, at least you can try. Revisit the memories you cherish the most, what makes you happy? I’m not saying to force your head to think positive. Thinking only positive will not bring you happiness.


Nobody’s life made up of gold…. You’re never fully happy, you are never satisfied. Even when you got all the money, you are not satisfied. And sometimes money is not the answer for everything…money will solve 5 problems out of 10. Every person in this world is rare but they are all same. Everyone is holding those insecurities in their hands tightly but still people out there try to touch and burst those insecurities in front of everyone. And why they do that? I have no idea and we shouldn’t give any fuck to them, they demotivate us in the nicest way that it makes us afraid to takeoff. We can’t blame others for what we’re suffering now, you are the one who’s responsible for everything you can blame that boy who didn’t loved you back, who left you hanging clueless, it was his fault but now it is your responsibility to move on, to stop thinking about that and making yourself miserable.

Our fear will take us down; y’all heard about the phrase ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ when you overcome with your fear and when the fear doesn’t kill you that’s where you became stronger. In my case I’m afraid of going out, it adds up thought to thought like such as, ‘I’m afraid of going out because there’s lots of people outside’ and adds questions like, ‘are they all staring at me?’ ‘They think I’m a freak’ ‘am I looking fine?’ What I do is refreshing my thoughts to ‘ so what if they’re looking and probably they are not staring at all there’s hundreds of people they don’t have time to look’ ‘I’m not a freak, I’m looking fine’ and thoughts like that helps me to overcome my fear. Ask question and give answers to yourself. To gain confidence you don’t have to do squads, you don’t have to put makeup; you don’t have to join the coolest group in your school… you are you and you’re the coolest. I won’t write the same old thing ‘be yourself’ shit, but I’ll tell you one thing Fight your obstacles and you will win one day.

The Moment


When I’m outside

When I see the sky

When I feel the air

When I see the bright stars

When I sync the music to my mind

I felt solitude, I felt peace

Enough peace to die

That moment, I wanted to born again from my mother’s womb,

I wanted to fall in love again

I wanted to forgive myself

I wanted to forget everything in my life

That moment I was high

The moment was high

I wanted to run from all the expectations and pressures

I feel myself when I’m outside

I can be myself

From one of those days


That day when i came back home from school i was tired of daily 6 hour school and 4 hour tuition those 10 hours I was like a walking dead and i wished that i was never born it was very foolish of me to think like that. I climb up the stairs my legs were paining and i wished my building had an elevator. And then i saw my mother waiting for me at the upstairs her face was sad looking at me tired her face turned blue.  The moment when i saw her all my tiredness was gone. She treated me like I have done a very tiring job, school is tough though, I said ‘it’s okay mom I’m fine I’m not that tired’ I was I really was… mentally and physically.

Going outside was always a difficult task for me and maybe this is the reason why I always make up excuses to not to go school. My teachers always used to ask my mother about me ‘why your daughter is absent today?’ ‘Is she sick?’ my mother used to get angry all the time she hears about me obviously she will get mad who doesn’t…. but maybe deep down my mom knew the reason behind my excuses of not going to school. For her my 2 pages assignment is a great achievement, 2 hours tuition was a big deal for her and she used to send food and drinks in the middle of the class for me I used to feel embarrassing because my classmates used to laugh at me because a fat girl receiving food from her mother… is a laughable thing I guess. And this is the reason why…

She is my goal. My goal is to make her happy. Sometimes i fail but one day I’ll give you everything you gave me. ❤

If you stay in one place you won’t get lost

We live we stay we survive… for what? we are all doing same things everyday but still feels incomplete even though we do everything to make ourselves complete because our current situations, our surroundings doesn’t let us.Sometimes i feel like staying in one place, quietly making no sound because the sounds inside my head is enough lousy. When you have a feeling of falling apart…. don’t move don’t talk exhale inhale so that you won’t get lost.

  Go solo, or go hollow.  At some point in our life, being alone is good and sometimes it’s not good because some days are worse than others and some days are better.                  ‘this will pass’ we think it will pass and usually it really does. why are we afraid of the things that will never happen?

let go. The biggest problem is that we don’t let things go, why it is so hard to let things go from our mind and body?      because our mind is cold and our body is being emptied by our emotions. We catch feelings so easily but it’s hard to throw useless things out of our life. we are swallowing unwanted thoughts everyday. 

 . . . .. ……………….. 💐🌸🐇ends here.

So its 2017 a new year, happy new year everyone… well its never too late to wish happy new year. 😅

so everyone conquer those things that was already yours🙆 be happy everyone all the people fighting with mental illness don’t let your haunted thoughts and anxiety ruin this year too 🙂 

 be confident be you    don’t let anyone steal your shine. 👮

I never once loved myself.

©we heart it

Kinder garden, high school, graduation•••

All these stages of learning but no one ever teached us to love ourselves

When we felt sad or angry they told us to keep it inside

We never let our feelings go, childhood past miseries are still alive somewhere

When i was a little girl they told me that no one is perfect, now when i grew up they’re telling me to be a perfect girl.

But perfectionism is interior🍀

(Artwork by me)

love a person,admiring everything of that person, and loving every part of his/her body… you can do that when you’re in love, but what about yourself? why is it so hard to love ourselves?…

suffering from crippling depression makes it more hard, I’ve been in this hell but time heals everything.

everyone should know that inside a sea shell there’s pearl inside that shines brighter than those people thoughts who pushed you down.

In the story, ugly duckling turned into a beautiful swan••• so we are

there’s no such thing like ‘ugly’ all you have to do this change your perspective

And about loving yourself, this is something you have to learn by yourself, don’t worry about the world out there••

People Throw rocks at things that shines and spark.


Lies of insecurities

You believe in lies more than truths
you believe in it because you wanted to believe

sometimes a lie saves your life but it eats you

drowning under the bitter truth, you lie

Take a shovel and dig those insecurities.. can you? 

She dyed her hair red or she covers her insecurity with red

she’s burning that rotundity or she’s burning those hurtful comments.

Dig deep and you’ll find things easy

dig deeper and things will become hard

– Ailnik

photo© we heart it and Tumblr .