18th September 2014.
I will never forget this date. She left me and I lost her
She broke up with me for no reason, she was my everything,
But I still can’t remember what exactly happened that day.
4’30 am alarm beeps. I woke up and saw no one beside me. It’s been 1 year and I still can’t get used to this, sometimes I see her in the kitchen making breakfast while singing and humming her favorite song ‘hammock by MillionYoung’. I never understood her music taste but now her music playlist in her pink iPod is my daily dose of medicine.
Everything’s done I ate my burned bread and egg, clothes untidy… I don’t really care about these stuffs; I don’t care if someone at my work makes fun of me. ‘Have a cool day babe’ written in a sticky note on the door lock it’s not the first time I’m looking at it, when I see that note I could feel her goodbye kisses on my face but today is special its 18th September again. On this day my girlfriend left me. No message no fights there is nothing that I can make it as a reason of her leaving. I never know why she left, I tried to contact her family and friends but there were no answers and I got only one question in my head ‘what happened that day?’
At the work.
‘Hey Leo! You look tired. Are you ok?’
‘No I’m good. I need some coffee’ I said with a smile.
I never liked coffee, now while I’m drinking this shit taste coffee I want to throw this coffee outside the window. But now it’s my life saver. Lately I’ve been taking anti depression pills, every once a week I try committing suicide but failing. I have become a person with no goals; it’s really funny how a person can change your life completely, it’s opposite to me when I lost her I lost myself too and there’s no way I could go back again. There’s guilt in me like I have done this, I must have done something that’s why she left. This job is a purpose to live, I could’ve left this job and stayed at my home until I starve and die.
‘Are you coming to Steven’s party today?’
I seriously have no idea what’s happening in this self-centered world, I don’t even know who Steven is.
‘Today at 7 pm at his house. It will be fun. You have to come.’
‘Okay I’ll come’.
‘And today you have to drink you need it mostly, see you there’.
Everybody knows how retarded I have become, and an anti-social pessimist. I’m only going for one reason I don’t want to stay in my house on this day. If she were here things doesn’t happened like that. Sigh~
I loosened up my necktie and sat on the sofa, there’s an uncanny silence in the room which was making me sleepy then I felt like someone was touching my hair, I felt like her fingers was on my hair I closed my eyes. I woke up. Saw myself in the same outfit and then I realized I dozed off … it was 6 pm I completely forgot about the party. I rushed to the bathroom ~
I sat on the bed wearing just a towel staring at the paintings on the wall; her artworks are still hanging on the walls. Sometimes I look at it and start to think and thinking turns to over thinking then i blame myself for everything. Its 7 pm and I was still in a towel, I was looking for a cleaned decent shirt since I don’t wash clothes. I saw my girlfriend’s wardrobe; we both have separate wardrobes she hates to share her space. I never opened her wardrobe maybe I should today… so I opened and I was shocked, her clothes, jewelries everything were still in the wardrobe… she never came back to take it. Why didn’t she came to take her own stuffs… it was weird. Clothes and the other things were messy like someone just put everything together. I was getting late so I left that wardrobe opened, wore a random t-shirt and jeans, took my car keys and then I left.
At the party
‘There he is, you’re late man’
‘I know, but I’m here now’.
‘Beer or coke?’
‘I prefer coke’.
A sad man and alcohol what a deadly combination, but honestly I don’t drink. A face like that nobody will believe me.
‘Are you kidding me? You’re dead inside. You’ll have beer’.
He gave me a can of beer, and I was holding it with no intention to drink.
I was invited to a party where I was sitting in the corner like my wife died…
I sat there at the edge… ow wait…I forgot it was the corner.
The dark corner of the colorful party.
The beer tastes like shit, the music sucks.
Then I saw jenny… her best friend.
‘Heyy hi how you doing it’s been a long time’
‘What you doing here?’
‘I’m Steven’s friend. You work with him right?
‘Leo I don’t want to say this but you look like hell. Did you have trouble sleeping last night? I know it’s really hard to forget. Steven told me you have become totally a different person, you look restless. Leo, get some sleep and move on.
‘I know I look horrible, but it’s really hard to forget her. Her memories haunt me. Especially today’
‘It’s been 1 year Leo. Even her family moved on’
‘What do you mean her family moved on?’
~ And that’s when I knew she was dead
On this date… 18th September
Words can’t explain what I was feeling that time.
20th September 2015
I’m at the hospital.
I’m checking my emails.
And I realized I never send any mails to her.
I never called her parents.
I wish I never knew that you died…
I miss you Leia.
this is my short story, please show some love. ❤